16 Apr - The 'Challenge' To Good Allotment TV

Since I heard about BBC2's new program, the Big Allotment Challenge, I've really been looking forward to it. Can TV actually make a good program about allotments? So, last night I was sat there at 8pm waiting in anticipation for a new series about people preparing their plots, sowing their veg seeds and tending their crops. What BBC2 actually offered was Fern Britton presenting an insipid garden version of the Great British Bake Off with little to recommend it.

We got a few glimpses of the plots before they started, pristine rectangles in a lawn that could could have been Lords Cricket Ground, no weeds, no mare's tail, no old baths, not even a single sheet of rusty corrugated iron to shift.  The purpose of the contestants' plots then was to grow veg for a 'show challenge' - this week radishes were on the bench.

This was already somewhat of a misnomer as the majority of people who have allotments don't show vegetables at their local show, they just eat them. Growing giant and/or perfect veg is a skill and hobby that is not exclusive to allotmenteers so I tried for sometime to work out why the two ideas had been paired as if sticking them together was somehow inevitable. Then I realised that this program wasn't really about allotments at all. Allotments were just the context for another BBC2 TV competition.

By the time the flower arranging and jam making challenges had arrived I had lost interest in all the superficial froth of this show. I was hoping for a good program about growing veg on allotments. This wasn't it. It wasn't even a good program. My twitter feed seemed to agree; the official hashtag #allotmentchallenge had a timeline with the usual flow of polite comments one would expect 'oo that jam looks nice', 'I can't grow radishes either' etc - the #allotment hashtag however was far more critical of this TV fluff and it soon became clear that people who actually had allotments or gardens, or a window box or had even walked past a flower bed once, saw this program for what it was - a mere schedule filler between the Sewing Bee and the next series of Bake Off. The first episode was flopping for veg growers - though quite possibly it was never intended for us.

The most charitable twitter theme was along the lines of 'anything that encourages growing your own is a good thing isn't it?' I'm not sure - this program might actually put people off growing their own as supermarket perfection is rarely attainable on the plot and not even desirable to be honest but, someone with no knowledge, might think allotment growing is ultra competitive where, in my experience, it's just the opposite - friendly, supportive, fulfilling, social and fun.

This brings me back to my initial question. Can TV make a good program about allotments? Well, the best to date was made by ITV West, simply called 'The Allotment'. It was a low budget regional program that actually went to talk to people who knew about allotments and featured two experienced plot holders (David Cemlyn & Jane Moore) who, amongst other activities, help a novice clear the plot and plant. There was loads of good advice though the quirky 'what's in my shed?' feature got a bit tedious especially if you watch the programs back to back on DVD. Nevertheless, 'The Allotment' series is worth a watch for beginners and can be ordered from www.allotment.info

Then there was BBC's 'Allotment Wars' a reality type documentary promising to "dish the dirt" in a voyeuristic program about arguments between plot holders and their site committee and with each other etc - all very stereotypical and tedious. The allotment was the context of the program but it could could have been any club or organisation really - nothing to do with growing veg. Another 'lowest common denominator' program from the BBC - aping the crass output of other nameless channels who do the format decidedly better.

However, the most awful thing aired on TV about allotments was a regular insert in Gardeners' World when the program had totally lost its direction with Buckland, Fowler et al. Joe Swift, supposedly a garden designer, was given an allotment to cultivate for a season. Everything he did was the worst thing possible - for example - Swift was advised by an experienced neighbour to dig and weed his plot carefully by hand as it would benefit him in the long run. Swift nodded sagely and then cleared his plot with a JCB (we all have access to those don't we?) then rotavated his patch, chopping up all the cooch grass which of course came back with a vengeance a few weeks later. The whole series insert (and an edited together special) seemed to fizzle out when Swift and his production crew realised that they couldn't create good results instantly with their ineptitude. To add insult to this broadcasting injury was the appearance of the inevitable BBC book, 'Joe's Allotment' (2009) which made the already tarnished Gardener's World offering a laughing stock by those in the know. Do yourself a favour and give 'Joe's Allotment' a miss - you won't regret it.

Yes, we've had Carol Kleine's (another flower specialist) 'Grow Your Own' in conjunction with the RHS; the early River Cottage series; Monty Don's odd insert in Gardeners' World and the quirky but great Beechgrove Garden from Scottish TV - all mention veg growing - all good but often just an addition or an off-shoot to another show - not really allotments.

Time is probably at the crux of the question about making good allotment TV - it takes too long to create the series and the potential audience seems limited. That's why the low budget 'The Allotment' program seems to have got closest as it was filmed cheaply over a proper season at real allotments. However, the time and investment might pay off in viewing figures for a more mainstream attempt as I think the audience is far wider than TV companies realise. People have a hankering for such programs; baking, sewing, craft, gardening, etc, look at the book 'Self Sufficiency' by John Seymour, sold millions but very few readers sold their town houses and flats to buy a small-holding - it's aspirational - the publishers were clever enough to see this and added ' ... for realists and dreamers ... ' to later versions of the cover. I believe a 'proper' allotment program would be the same. So, come on TV make a proper allotment program, no contests, no JCB's, no arguments, no flim-flam: let's just have a program about growing and eating veg presented by people who know what they are doing. Please ...